Attention, daters – the latest addition to the modern romance lexicon is ‘Goblin-timacy', and the good news is that it's finally a novel approach we actually want to get on board with.
Hot off the heels of the likes of ‘benching’ – the harsh AF dating phenomenon that effectively boils down to stringing someone along even if you're not sure about them – and, of course, ghosting, the cruel practice of cutting off all contact with someone you've dated without warning, goblin-timacy is an approach based around showing up as your flawed (but undeniably real) self.
The trend derives from the idea of ‘Goblin Mode’ so first, before we explain more about how it's done, let's start with a little 101 on what that means for those who've been living on the rock this past year (which, ironically, probably meant you were in Goblin Mode, but read on for context).
Goblin Mode was named Oxford English Dictionary's ‘Word of the Year’ for 2022 – as voted by 93% the public (340,000 Brits participated in the vote). According to the OED, it's defined as: "a type of behaviour which is unapologetically self-indulgent, lazy, slovenly, or greedy, typically in a way that rejects social norms or expectations”.
Need an example? Social media is full of them. But you can probably conjure up real-life examples from your own life, too: lying on the sofa in your dressing gown, Big Lebowski style, on a work-from-home day (no shame in that!) or eating cereal for dinner because – you know what – it's been a hard day (ditto).
Goblin mode is you, without the try-hard. It's no coincidence that this phrase emerged post-lockdown, a time when many of us were conceding to survive rather than thrive – to do our best to get through isolating alone, or the mixed-bag that was furlough. And after two years of on-off lockdown, it's no surprise the phenomenon lingered.
So how does this come into your love life? Well, it turns out the goblin-timacy trend heralds a fresh leaning towards authenticity in dating – rather than transforming the way you look or act for a first date, for instance. The trend was forecast by dating app Badoo, after research findings that over three quarters (76%) of singles reported they felt more comfortable dating on their own terms outside of societal expectation.
What's more, four in five (82%) said they considered it a greater priority to show their ‘true selves’ on dates, rather than put on an act to impress a prospective partner. Enter: the version of you that wouldn't, before now, have turned up on a date – because of preconceptions. And apparently it could ensure a longer-lasting commitment, too…
“Authenticity is the key to lasting love, as it ensures that we are selecting a partner based on internal qualities and values, not just looks and status," says dating and relationship coach Kate Mansfield, who is partnered with Badoo. "The dating world is tired of filters, we want raw and uncut - it’s the new sexy!”
That, we can get on board with – it's just like bringing our #BeReal app content into our romantic lives, right? Plus, time saved preening = more time to connect IRL.
Other dating trends for 2023, according to the app's research, including ‘Twenty Twenty Me’ – which involves daters focusing on exploring the dating pool without putting pressure on themselves to commit to a series arrangement – and ‘Meme Teaming’, which involves using memes as a sixth love language to assess compatibility with a would-be partner, through trading funny memes and videos (assumedly if the recipient shares the joke, you can at least establish a similar sense of humour).
